Imperfect Heroes

This essay is an ode to anyone who struggles with negative self-talk. Who is paralyzed by the fear of judgment. Anyone who overanalyzes and criticizes almost every action they do on a daily basis.

This imperfect hero has a growing collection of incomplete essays — each hovering at around 80% done. And this very essay risks joining those ranks. He believes them to be quality pieces of writing that offer his unique perspective on the human condition, but he worries that he has overanalyzed and over-edited them into oblivion. 

So here he sits—hundreds of hours, dozens of drafts, countless rounds of feedback later—languishing in a growing pit of despair, asking himself why completion feels increasingly out of reach.

But the more he thinks about it, the more the walls of indecision seem to close in on him. 

He wonders what underlying fear is actually keeping him from hitting publish. Is he seeking validation and acceptance from others that he is struggling to give himself? He realizes that he has so tightly intertwined his sense of self-worth to the outcome of his actions that it is no wonder he feels so much pressure to make these essays “perfect.”

In the midst of his despair, this imperfect hero harkens back to the journeys of the heroes he grew up with. He wonders what made their underdog stories so compelling to him.

He asks himself what it was about the perseverance of these flawed characters that resonated so deeply within him; why their struggles further endeared them to him.

This imperfect hero realizes the outcome these heroes achieved had very little to do with what made him fall in love with their character. He realizes it was the journey they took and the struggles they faced that made them relatable to him. That their striving to be better is what really mattered to him.

He realizes his heroes were trying to show him what was possible in the face of adversity.

This imperfect hero respected these heroes for their resilience and bravery in face of hardship. And begins to realize that he can extend this love and admiration to himself — whenever he takes courageous action in the face of fear. That he can call himself a hero too.

This Imperfect Hero’s Journey

This imperfect hero begins to understand why Joseph Campbell called it “the hero’s journey” and not “the hero’s destination.” 

He begins to realize that his obsession with “perfect” outcomes on these essays has ignored the positive growth that comes from doing the actual writing.

This imperfect hero accepts he will face inevitable struggles in his journey, and knows that this adversity will grow his strength and test his resolve. He comes to understand that avoiding pain and running away from fear has meant he hasn’t given himself the opportunity to develop the skills and resilience in the face of challenges.

This imperfect hero comes to realize that a healthy amount of self-examination is beneficial for improving oneself, but too much analysis can be paralyzing, and that real growth comes from ongoing action.

This imperfect hero comes to understand that his fear of judgment from others is not some defect of character, but is actually a deeply embedded instinct to be accepted by his tribe. That he feels that fear so deeply because human brains have evolved to treat the possibility of rejection as a threat to survival. But with this new self-awareness, he can reframe feelings like anxiety as energy that is compelling him to act.

He realizes that thinking of himself as an imperfect hero has given him a level of self-compassion that he didn’t have before. And through this reframing, he has learned that he is somebody he should root for, no matter the outcome of his actions.

And after he realizes the power of calling himself a hero, this imperfect hero decides he wants to share this newfound wisdom with others, because he hypothesizes that they probably don’t think of themselves as heroic either.

And this imperfect hero went on to write this essay in third person, because he believes it forced a perspective shift that removed the self-critical sense of “I”. That it encourages compassion for self that might otherwise be elusive.

This imperfect hero wrote this essay to awaken your imperfect hero.

You Are An Imperfect Hero Too

You might realize that you rarely think of yourself as a hero.

And upon reading this essay maybe you begin to realize you have always been heroic — through the brave actions you take every day. That any struggle which you face and persevere through is heroic.

And maybe you decide to no longer reserve the word hero just for fictional characters, first-responders, or historical figures. You begin to understand that you are an every day hero. That simply by showing up and doing the best you can—every day—you are taking heroic action. 

Just know that the time may never feel right to get started. And if you’re stuck, use this essay as your reminder to put motion before emotion. Try to remember that your journey is not about an outcome you achieve, but rather the hero you become along the way.

A special thank you to

Meagan Henry

,

Michael Dean

,

Sandra Yvonne

,

Erin Nolan

,

Anne Marie Bell

, and

Justin Lind

for helping me craft this essay.